It’s now September 29th. I can’t eat anything and I am now down to a clear liquid diet. I feel like garbage. I am tired and hungry, but so close to a surgery I had been putting off for 10 years. I wasn’t messing it up by eating or drinking something I shouldn’t. I live at the tip of Alabama and with the surgery being in Birmingham it’s almost a two hour drive, so me and my husband stayed with my parents the night before. It was halfway. I remember sitting with Scott, my mom, and my aunt that night. Is this the last time I’ll have a sit down talk with them? I had never had a surgery before and this was a major surgery. I was scared I would die. Honestly, if I kept going the way I was going I think I was gonna die anyway. I knew I made the best decision for myself but I still had doubts.
I tossed and turned for most of the night. I remember the sun coming up and not being able to keep my eyes open. Scott kept telling me I would be okay. But I was still nervous. Mom was coming with me. Her opinion on everything and anything is important. EVEN if I say it’s not. So for her to be behind me, and my husband supporting me I felt like I would be okay. The alarm goes off for us to wake up. I am now shaking I am that scared. We drive down in sunshine. I am nervous and I know Scott is. He doesn’t hide the nerves as well as he thinks he does. But he is there, ready to take care of me. I walk into the hospital by myself. All 307 pounds. I check in and they take me into a pre op room. I am given a gown, and an iv in my wrist for them to push fluids and meds. Scott and Mom finally make it to my little room / curtain. Mom, me, and Scott are on our phones. I think that honestly it was because we were scared. A transport tech comes in to wheel me to where they operate. I started crying because this is where I said bye to Scott and Mom. Mom gave me a hug and Scott kissed me. I was really crying to the point of hiccups. Am I really doing this? The tech saw I was upset. She grabbed my hand and told me I would be fine. Good changes are coming but I needed to stay strong. So I stopped crying. The doctor come in and saw how upset I was. Dr. Schmidt told me I was gonna be fine. He also gave me a light sedative to calm my nerves. When I stopped crying. I noticed the room I was in had the prettiest mural on the wall. So I sat there, staring at it. Watching all of the doctors and nurses that were at the end of the bed. There was me and two other women patients in the room. The lady to my left was having a hell of a time. They were going in for exploratory surgery (because they weren’t sure what was wrong) and the nurses couldn’t find an artery to put an IV in. I listened and watched. I know it was rude but I had my own stuff I was trying to forget. They tried her arm, her wrist, and then a spot on her leg. I didn’t even know they could do that. Ultimately they ended up putting the IV in her neck. Nurse and Anesthesiologist came in for me. They introduced themselves and then they asked if I knew if I was allergic to anything and I said not that I was aware. (this changes later, fyi YIKES!) A tech came over with a hair net and asked if I could put my hair in it. So I did. That tech wheeled me into the operating room. It wasn’t as big as they make them out to be in tv shows and movies, but the lights are very bright. They ask me to move from the bed I am on to the table. I remember saying I was scared when the Nurse put a mask thing on my nose. This was the point of no return. Then it went dark.