A long time ago.

It’s hard for me to look at these pictures from before my gastric sleeve surgery. The pictures with Winnie the Pooh were 5 years ago and the last one was right before I started the liquid diet to shrink my liver. Excuse the crazy face but I am kinda known for being a little crazy. I made that beautiful little girl standing with me and pooh. When you see her in other pictures I post, it’s easy to see that she is identical to me. My fair skinned, freckle-faced, gray eyed shadow that I never want to grow up.

I was big after my baby was born and I let myself go but I want to be clear that no one did it to me. I did it all to myself because I felt it was easier to be bigger than to try to be small. I gained so much weight and at my biggest I weighed 323 pounds. Don’t think I didn’t try to lose the weight though. I would lose it but the most I lost on my own was 45 pounds. Unfortunately I would always gain it back and then some. I even saw a doctor who prescribed me phentermine and reduced my caloric intake to 1000 calories. I stopped taking the meds because they were making my heart act crazy. Really it was just too hard. So I stopped caring.

Everyone has a low point and I have had a few. Like the time I was taking pictures of my cousin Connor in the city, and some hateful guy on a bike yelled “You need to walk more fatty!”. I cried for a full night. You can even ask my Aunt and Uncle. Or my niece calling me fat to describe my physical appearance, was hard as well but she didn’t intend it to be mean. I think my lowest point though, was when I was on the lake with my parents wake surfing. It was a nice summer day and I was on the boat with my parents, my cousins Keith and Connor were there too. I jumped in the water to cool off while the boat was having issues but I couldn’t pull myself back up onto the back when it was time to go. Keith and my Dad saw I was struggling, and they tried to help me. It felt like an absolute eternity trying to get myself out of the water and back onto the boat. I have never been more embarrassed in all my life and it happened right there in front of the most important people I know.

That summer day was one of my lowest points. I was single, self conscious, unhealthy, and not happy with myself!

I can’t remember what big event changed the course of my life to go down the gastic sleeve path, but I do remember that I was talking with my good friend, Gwyn, and we started talking about body weights. The weight loss surgery topic was brought up and we decided to be each others buddy through the process. But she never could find a doctor who would sponsor her so I did the process on my own… mostly.

I was scared! But I needed a change. I needed to feel better about myself, to be healthier for all the people I loved and that loved me back.

Round me

round me 3

round me 4

 

Author: fullonfigure

mom. wife. sleever.

One thought on “A long time ago.”

  1. Hi barb, it’s bre. Just wanted to let you know I’ve read this. And I’ve never struggled with my weight so I don’t know how it feels to be in your situation. I can’t even imagine. For as long as I can remember I’ve looked up to you, I’ve been jealous of you stealing the “family fortune” since you got it. You’re beautiful inside and out no matter what. You’re smart, and efin hilarious, you’re there for me when I need you, you’re a great mom, a great friend, sister, and daughter. All that being said, you’re also really strong, I can only imagine how hard this whole thing is, and what kind of struggle it must be, but you keep going, and don’t give up. I am really proud of you for starting and continuing this journey. All kinds of disease runs in our family that we have no control over getting. So limiting things that make them easier to get is smart. I quit smoking, but I still use my puffer, I drink 2 bottles of water a day 5 days a week, but that is literally the beginning and end of my “healthy living.” So I guess I just wanted you to know, that even though I know nothing about any of it, I don’t think you took the easy way out or that you were lazy about it. It took a lot of courage and work for you to get where you are and I’m very proud of you! I love ya lots
    -bre

    Like

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